The "N" Word

I know what you're all thinking.  "Sacre Bleu! What is she talking about?"  But I guarantee you that if you haven't already, you're going to experience it at one point or another....I did.

That's right, *breath*, I can do it.  Someone asked me recently:

"Hey, how's your manuscript going?" 

To which I replied:

"Well, actually, I'm working on a "NEW" project...."

Short and sweet right? 

But what I was really thinking was:

"Oh god, I can't believe I just admitted to working on a new project when the one I've been working on for the past year is still only half way done and sitting in a drawer at the back of my closet.  I'm never going to get anything done!  I give up! Freak of nature!  Zero talent!  And run on sentences!  And sentences that begin with "and".....and...."

You get the picture.

It's easy to get down on yourself.  I admit, I've been guilty of equating "starting something new" to "failure".  How many times have I told myself "that's not going to be me".  But here I am, in the throws of a brand spanking new project.

The good news is that the "N" word doesn't have to be a bad word.  

Was it manuscript fatigue? 

Something not working in the current story?

Something exciting about the new one?

Focusing on the positive is hard, but I can honestly say (after much introspection) that my early endeavour was not for naught.  I learned SO MUCH from my first manuscript.  I learned about what makes a good story, what my strengths are and what I need to improve on (not to mention, a lot about myself in the process).  I went to workshops with the material and worked on it with agents and editors.  I understand better where the market is now and where it's going and also what I want to present as my first book (should it get *fingers crossed* published). 

All that helped me to develop my "new" idea.  One that feeds off the knowledge that I gained and that fits my wants and needs and excites me all at the same time.  

It's not to say I won't finish my first manuscript, maybe I'll come back to it later.  But I've gained a new appreciation for writing, which really is like a relationship.  You've got to nurture and work on it through the good times and the bad, but sometimes, a new boyfriend may be just what you need.